>A New Idea….Grace not Legalism

Family

>A very important part to our home education journey is the way we correct children and ourselves in this walk. I am a work in progress and when I started the parenting journey, I didn’t have good sign post. I have always adored our children and have sought to give them a base in the Lord Jesus Christ, but I was angry. It seems like for years, I was angry, frustrated and feeling often like a failure. I accepted teaching that told me if I followed a certain *checklist* then we wouldn’t have conflict, our children would be just want to obey, naturally, and that if this didn’t happen…..you guessed it….us parents were doing something wrong. The result of this was someone had to be to blame, myself, my husband or our children. I was offered the advice that if I didn’t do it ‘this way’, I would have unruley, hellions, that could never serve God fitly. Discipline was just part of the list every part of our lives was touched by the theology. Often I would blame Donnie, after all if would just read the dog gone books himself he would understand. Next I blamed myself, “I am a bad ungodly mother,” I would say to myself. Finally, I would become increasingly loud, and unkind with our children, I was tired and discontented. Occasionally, I would get a glimpse of grace and would try to change, but I had been entrenched in the teachings. I had become legalistic. I was working my way to heaven, through my kitchen, my schedule, my discipline style….but I was mean.
Thank goodness for God’s grace. I lost everything, I came to the bottom of myself and God was there waiting with a sweet face to gaze into and I saw hope. It has been a few years and I am re-learning. I am climbing out of the pit of legalism, we are becoming a new family. Now, I have a teenager and some up and coming teenagers in addition to my pre–schooler. It is hard, the undoing of pain, is hard work. Bitterness set in at some point and healing is having to happen. I cry out loud and out to God often, “help me, fix this!”. He will, He is, He wants to. Kind words are healing to the bones, that is what the Proverbs say, I am believing it.
Healing to the bones, like salve to the heart. God is able, I am not, but God is. If you are stuck in pain and battle with your children, stop, look and listen, God may want to move you, release you, change you….it just may not be about the children.

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Published by Suzanne In Plain Sight

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5 thoughts on “>A New Idea….Grace not Legalism”

  1. Hi Suzanne, This was one of my reasons for embracing Attachment Parenting with my child. I had nearly 5 years of married life to think and read about parenting before we had kids and I knew with my personality I would have a tendency to be an angry person to my kids. Attachment Parenting has been really good for me and my child and it doesn’t mean I don’t ever get angry and it doesn’t mean my child is perfect, but I think at the moment most of the time we have a good understanding of each other. Hopefully I’ll be able to avoid some of the bitterness that I felt towards my mom growing up. Good luck with your parenting journey. I hope you and your kids are able to heal and find hope and understanding together.Cristi

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  2. mmm. and sometimes its not just about the kids… you got that right! :)God has so SO much change to be working in me, its a wonder I can parent at all… but that’s grace too!

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  3. Hi Suzanne!Saw your comment on Molly’s blog and just had to read this post. Nice to “meet” you! Since I’m an RO MOMYS, I got a huge smile out of your comment and sig line. I suspect it’s good that I’m a ‘read-only.’ I don’t think the majority of those who post to the e-mail group would like hearing what I think. LOLOn to grace… Like Cristi said before me, I have a tendency to be an angry person… Period. Of course my kids are becoming aware of this, and I desperately want to change it!!Unlike Cristi, my 6 1/2 years married but pre-children were pretty much devoid of parenting literature. Solely by the grace of God, I didn’t swallow Pearl or Ezzo wholesale (I do recognize a tendency to hyperbole there, even if it is couched in “thou shalts.”) Unfortunately recognizing hyperbole and reading up on AP/grace-based parenting alternatives are not the same thing. :-SSo, Lord willing, in another 5 years it will be me writing this post. Thank you for being honest. It helps to know that other moms are on the same path I’m finding, which means there must be light ahead, right?! 🙂

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  4. Thank you for posting this. I too seem to think I deal with my children (2 and 13 mo.) in an angry manner. Any mishap gets me upset when it shouldn’t. Then I feel like the worst mom ever. Each day I’m trying to show them grace as well as live in grace to overcome how I raised and to do better for them. So glad someone else out there is honest about their struggles as a mom.

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  5. Ours is a similar story, with some variations. And I find that just when things are “clicking” for me as a mother, that my children grow and change and the Lord again shows me how dependent I am upon them. With all the mistakes I’ve made through the years (am still making), I truly want my children to know and feel loved by me and really internalize they are God’s children.

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