>If people really know who I am, the experiences I have endured, enjoyed or ultimately allowed to shape me they will not like me or accept me. If people really know the stories this life carries, the real stories, the ones that keep me up at night and that others fear, they will send me packing.
This is what I tell myself, this is sometimes what I believe.
I was an open book, now I am guarded book.
Sure I tell you my stories, some of them, with color and tone and hope….but you don’t get the details. You don’t need them, really, not in this forum, besides…..you wouldn’t like me…..right?
We all have a story.
My story today IS….we are looking to join our local church we have been at for over 3 years. I am told we are loved, accepted and wanted. I say to myself, you don’t know my story. Me the talker, the teller on my self, had a small panic, okay a large panic upon the announcement that we would meet with some of the elders and place membership. Mortified, I decided my husband shouldn’t be such a leader after all. This all followed my sweet twin girls being baptized 2 weeks ago, surrounded by this family of friends who said they really love us. Surrounded by relationship I realize(d), I still worry.
I don’t have any deep thoughts on this, know answer in the conclusion. I am just putting it out there. I believe somewhere in me that you may be fine with the conclusion of my story thus far, and even good with the sketchy details, but goodness forbid you ever need the details and you will (not maybe, but will) change your mind. It has happened you know!?.
This are my thoughts and this is my story today….no conclusion.

>It is Monday. We have *deep breath*…..we have———–
gone to Classical Conversations, looked for and found Daddy’s keys, finished math, science, started presentations, worked on bible memory, played hide and seek, cooked supper, eaten supper, and checked teenager’s text messages, logged into face book, survived a few seizures and and another day with a broken armed 10 year old, and listened to the children. Whew!!! I am tired, I am happy, I am tired. It is the good tired the kind where you take a deep breath and a sigh of relief AND a thought of gratitude and sleep well.
We have lived in routine/schedule mode for years,this year we have grace. I mean we have always had grace, but gosh, now I am more aware of it and giving it to the children. Amazingly, the more available I make grace to my babies, the better they do and the less I feel like they need grace. Did any of that make since? Learning to positively parent is a new thing, well not exactly…I have wanted to be more positive always, but now instead of looking for an almighty book, or checklist, get this…… I am just treating them the way I want to be treated. Clear expectations, good re-enforcement, lots of re-direction, a smile, understandable consequences, lots of laughing and grace.
It has been a good day, I am tired, but it has been a great day.
A grace filled day.
We all need grace.