What did it matter? She had nothing left. She didn’t care. An even stronger force than the hatred that feasted on her was the weariness that sucked her soul dry. At eighteen, she was tired of living and resigned to the fact that nothing would ever change. She wondered why she had even been born. For this, she supposed. Take it or leave it. God’s truth. And the only way to leave it was to kill herself. Every time she faced that fact, every time she had the chance, her courage failed. Francine Rivers, Redeeming Love

This is was my story nearly 21 years ago.

I was just shy of 20 and he of 25, we were behind the curve as far as beginnings go, but the man told me he wanted to marry me, spend the rest of his days with me, and raise a few kids….I found out I was pregnant not long after that.  We married when the big kid was 6 weeks old. It has been 20 years.

Coming to this place we would call family, with baggage to spare and pain overflowing, I was unsure of why he would want me and he insisted that he wasn’t sure how he couldn’t imagine life with out me.  It was rushed, hurried, and all together crazy, but God allowed a baby then a marriage.  All children are a gift from the Lord.

We have managed 6 kids, epilepsy,depression, anger,matters of the heart,  autism,  trauma, heart surgery, bankruptcy, and family history.

We have honored past, begged for an ending, cried over sick babies, and dealt with death.

We have held on tight and then run like the wind towards divorce.

We have been renewed, redeemed, and revived by our midnight talks.

Our life has been one of a road less traveled and a narrow path.  We are proof that marriage isn’t easy, but worth it.

We have embraced new beginnings, held tight to traditions that we made, and laughed at ourselves often.

This man and I are a broken pair who are becoming whole together, separately and as a pair.

We are walking irony to most, but it is our imperfect perfection.

The marriage we have is proof that if one gives up to soon, they may never know what “could have been.” I have come to understand that the saying of “God never gives you more than you can handle,” is untrue.  He more than allows more than we could handle and we run to him, throw ourselves, our children, and our marriage before Him. He is at work in the ones we love the most when it appears most desperate.  Unseen currents of change can still sweep us into the tide of unexpected love even 20 years later.

Our marriage is proof that people change, that hearts turn back towards family, that manipulative women and angry men can indeed seek the face of God and enter into a new season of peace that passes all understanding and become one in a marriage that only God could get the glory in.