Scratched out quick on my phone with autocorrect and 2 am editing (very little) please if you do read a mistake send a quiet message and don’t think I believed it was all correct ☺️
Happiness is hearing my college girl, a few friends, and all the sisters together a few feet away. Watching The littlest (not so little) race across the yard with a “Sissy!” and knowing by 10 am the big boy will be here is almost more than I can contain. We are not perfect, we struggle, and cry, and get too loud. We sometimes can’t recall the next best thing next, and this momma forgets the important stuff far too often. But, we are family, and there is no greater love on this side of heaven than the fierce love this family brings to the table when we all need one another. Don’t let a tough season get in the way of family. Love your people, people.
Sometimes when things are hard or when joy in other places and faces seem to be consuming, I lose sight of being present for the very thing we need the most, our safe in the no matter what space, home. If I am honest(and I am trying desperately to be with myself and you), being present with my family, my kids, my husband is terrifying. I am terrified that by being a witness to their greatest joys and deepest fears, I will somehow mess it up. I busy myself. I handle a list, I take care of a need, I go searching for a need, I laugh loud or cook long, but I tread lightly on entering in. These kids they enter in.
I declared it “scrap the lists” weekend. I have quietly released the kids from the to-dos and my expectations and never finished gotta keep busy because we may all come undone and what happens if we come undone and we haven’t mopped or caught up on math. We are all undone with joy and grief and good news and struggles and victories and fears and hopes. I am seeing that we are all undone and put back together a million different ways a hundred different times through the breaths of each day and none of it is connected to my doings or fears of being undone or loosing it all because I didn’t remember and felt out of control and wondered what next, what will happen to us next list. I will be present through my fear of not being prepared for the what next and not able to predict that circumstance that I just know will knock the air out of me and trust that I will survive it.
These people, the ones who call me momma with such ease, keep showing up in spite of my worst fears and over preparedness that just may be the worst thing for them not the best and they keep loving each other and being present even in the messy seasons that I can’t straighten up no matter the sweeping, because they aren’t afraid of the mess. They find joy, and hope, and companionship in the seasons of out of control and we are all ok even without a clear understanding of where it starts or ends. They trust the next season will come regardless of the lists of life being done, so they “do” this time with their whole hearts with tears and laughter.
I will be present without the perfect plan.
This is part of an ongoing series 31 Days of Being Present
Next Best Thing Next 