Is It Possible

Is it possible the waves and calm can both be safety?

Could it be that all of this can coexist and mingle and tangle and breathe in and out simultaneously and that the depth of brokenness and the hidden cracks are leaving space for safety to wiggle through the tears and pain and giving strength not stealing it? Could it be that I am not giving up or done really done but by giving in I am more here than ever, more available than understood, and present….just in it?

That my first thought could be hope

That the list and numbers will cease to rule me

That they will really understand their deep and abiding value in my soul

That they are wrong for believing in me

That they are right for believing in me

That my trust is misplaced

That somethings should end but can’t because of breathing

That breathing is the next best choice

That I won’t startle at the reality of what I carry in the depths

That I won’t be reminded of what no one sees when i crack my eyes open

That my truths won’t break me

That my truths won’t break us

That my truths won’t break them

That I am enough

That the rushing waves aren’t taking me under they are carrying me

That this story is not taking away from but adding to

That the falling apart is really building

That I don’t really have the ability to mess them all up

That the goodness really isn’t all like living a lie when the hard is weaving in and out

That joy isn’t dangerous

That it won’t all disappear

That I won’t unravel

That the truth is breathy and present in me everyday

That I am bringing life

Is it possible?